Mind space

Our mind is always in conflict. How do we deal with this? Finding the space within ourselves and our heads. If there is a thought in our heads then there is also spaciousness where the thought is not. If a room is cluttered, you can either focus on the room or the boxes inside the room.

This morning as I was relaxing in bed I opened my mind up to experiencing the spaciousness, not the thoughts we always cling to. It was a miraculous experience as the thoughts faded away I felt a strange sense of openness and clarity. There was also fear there.

It's hard to maintain since it is so contrary to how we experience the world. Still it was good.

Sometimes it nice

Sometimes it's nice to realize your not so lonely. That your not so sad. And that others are also lonely and sad. That we want so much and then at the same time so little: to be happy, to be heard, to be love. Is it such a big deal? We should tell others about it. If only so many people weren't afraid of hearing it. "I get lonely!" there I said it. There world is so sad. We are all crying inside sometimes, not all the times but sometimes.

And you don't know when. But it sucks. I was reading my friend's book today. Very nice poems. Very moving. Moving what does that mean? Touching is better. Kind is better. I understand him more now.

But the book reinforces the sadness experience by many of us on this quest for happiness. The struggle away from aloneness to fullfillment. And I'm not just talking about filling ourselves up with lots of junk so we don't notice how lonely we are. I'm talking about feeling good. Feeling free. Yeah I'm good.

Let's take some chances and love and express more. Tell people you feel lonely, and your not sure. It's so beautiful.

Being unhappy

It's okay to be unhappy you know. It's okay to realize your not feeling good or having a good day. We are so scared of telling others we are sad or unhappy. I think we (or at least I) feel we will be rejected. Seen as being broken and not perfect. So is so sad. That we are all unhappy and feeling alone about this.

Happiness is good but sadness also brings people together. It is necessary. It is a grieving. It allows us to touch our soul. I don't think it's misery. Sadness is different.

The only problem with sadness and unhappiness is that it can be a trigger. It can realize the flood gates of old thoughts or feelings that you buried up in their. So sadness is dangerous it can create even more. So be calm and be peaceful be present. Allow the sadness (or anger) to move through you. Or try getting it out. Jumping up and down, moving the body.

It's all about clearly the body. Clearly the mind, clearing the soul Whatever it takes to become free. To be happy.

Nice work if you can get it.

I make mistakes all the time.

I realized giving myself permission to make mistakes allows me to see them and feel them more fully. And enjoy the lather of them. This is nice. What mistakes? What predicated outcome do I have. What exactly is a mistake? A mistake is being wrong about something that you thought was going to happen.

A mistake is the linear mind predicating what is supposed to happen. It's a game or a horse race. It's a gamble. The adrenaline of the guess. I'm addicted to this adrenaline though I didn't know it.

From the times when I was younger when I'd say: "I'll sell my soul if I'm wrong and count that times i lost and won. And feel guilt and anxiety when I'd lose and vindicated when I'd win. It's still the same.

The thrill of being right, the low of being wrong. I do not wish to be right or wrong. I wish to be love.

So long to the drama.