I can't be wrong.

I recently realized I can't be wrong. No matter what I do I fear making a mistake. Hurting someone, letting someone down, letting myself down. I don't know where it started possibly past lives. My life wasn't so difficult. No abuse, nothing so extreme. Just my mind. My mind is extreme. It's like a knife. It's always been so. And the edge is sharper well then a knife.

Calculating moves to be like a chess game, channeling the world like teacup. Balancing every possible scenario why? to not feel something. Is it hurt is is powerlessness. I just don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want people to feel pain or suffering. Also I don't like pain. Is that so bad. I know I know everyone feels pain and suffering and we can't do anything about that. So why do I keep on trying so hard. Why is it so important. Is it a mission? It feels like a mission. A mission of love? I don't know. It doesn't feel like it.

I walk a rasor's edge. One step and I beat myself up. I don't have low self-esteem. At least I don't think so. So what is it?

I'd like to make more mistakes and enjoy them.

More news as it happens.