Mind space

Our mind is always in conflict. How do we deal with this? Finding the space within ourselves and our heads. If there is a thought in our heads then there is also spaciousness where the thought is not. If a room is cluttered, you can either focus on the room or the boxes inside the room.

This morning as I was relaxing in bed I opened my mind up to experiencing the spaciousness, not the thoughts we always cling to. It was a miraculous experience as the thoughts faded away I felt a strange sense of openness and clarity. There was also fear there.

It's hard to maintain since it is so contrary to how we experience the world. Still it was good.

Sometimes it nice

Sometimes it's nice to realize your not so lonely. That your not so sad. And that others are also lonely and sad. That we want so much and then at the same time so little: to be happy, to be heard, to be love. Is it such a big deal? We should tell others about it. If only so many people weren't afraid of hearing it. "I get lonely!" there I said it. There world is so sad. We are all crying inside sometimes, not all the times but sometimes.

And you don't know when. But it sucks. I was reading my friend's book today. Very nice poems. Very moving. Moving what does that mean? Touching is better. Kind is better. I understand him more now.

But the book reinforces the sadness experience by many of us on this quest for happiness. The struggle away from aloneness to fullfillment. And I'm not just talking about filling ourselves up with lots of junk so we don't notice how lonely we are. I'm talking about feeling good. Feeling free. Yeah I'm good.

Let's take some chances and love and express more. Tell people you feel lonely, and your not sure. It's so beautiful.

Being unhappy

It's okay to be unhappy you know. It's okay to realize your not feeling good or having a good day. We are so scared of telling others we are sad or unhappy. I think we (or at least I) feel we will be rejected. Seen as being broken and not perfect. So is so sad. That we are all unhappy and feeling alone about this.

Happiness is good but sadness also brings people together. It is necessary. It is a grieving. It allows us to touch our soul. I don't think it's misery. Sadness is different.

The only problem with sadness and unhappiness is that it can be a trigger. It can realize the flood gates of old thoughts or feelings that you buried up in their. So sadness is dangerous it can create even more. So be calm and be peaceful be present. Allow the sadness (or anger) to move through you. Or try getting it out. Jumping up and down, moving the body.

It's all about clearly the body. Clearly the mind, clearing the soul Whatever it takes to become free. To be happy.

Nice work if you can get it.

I make mistakes all the time.

I realized giving myself permission to make mistakes allows me to see them and feel them more fully. And enjoy the lather of them. This is nice. What mistakes? What predicated outcome do I have. What exactly is a mistake? A mistake is being wrong about something that you thought was going to happen.

A mistake is the linear mind predicating what is supposed to happen. It's a game or a horse race. It's a gamble. The adrenaline of the guess. I'm addicted to this adrenaline though I didn't know it.

From the times when I was younger when I'd say: "I'll sell my soul if I'm wrong and count that times i lost and won. And feel guilt and anxiety when I'd lose and vindicated when I'd win. It's still the same.

The thrill of being right, the low of being wrong. I do not wish to be right or wrong. I wish to be love.

So long to the drama.

I can't be wrong.

I recently realized I can't be wrong. No matter what I do I fear making a mistake. Hurting someone, letting someone down, letting myself down. I don't know where it started possibly past lives. My life wasn't so difficult. No abuse, nothing so extreme. Just my mind. My mind is extreme. It's like a knife. It's always been so. And the edge is sharper well then a knife.

Calculating moves to be like a chess game, channeling the world like teacup. Balancing every possible scenario why? to not feel something. Is it hurt is is powerlessness. I just don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want people to feel pain or suffering. Also I don't like pain. Is that so bad. I know I know everyone feels pain and suffering and we can't do anything about that. So why do I keep on trying so hard. Why is it so important. Is it a mission? It feels like a mission. A mission of love? I don't know. It doesn't feel like it.

I walk a rasor's edge. One step and I beat myself up. I don't have low self-esteem. At least I don't think so. So what is it?

I'd like to make more mistakes and enjoy them.

More news as it happens.

What are you seeking?

Personal beliefs change with life experience, ultimate truth does not. A truth seeker then does not seek to confirm pre-existing beliefs of what he or she has previously been taught. He or she looks to remove the beliefs that prevent truth from being seen.

The path of the truth seeker then is to experience personally and not just believe conceptually; to discover the truth because it has been personally experienced not just previously explained.

To believe is to not know. Your mind constructs a belief because you are yet unsure. You 'think' or 'hope' it may be true but you are yet uncertain.

Beliefs (passed on to us collectively and created based on our own personal experiences) are only our initial template, giving us a path to move from someplace old to someplace new and more vibrant.

The goal then is not to debate and defend our belief system (though many people do this unconsciously). The goal is to move beyond our own personal beliefs towards our own personal truth and ultimate truth. Ultimate truth is truth that is the same for all sentient beings (e.g., we all seek love and compassion.)

These truths can only be realized not conceptualized. And realization only comes with experience and personal reflection. Then you know. You no longer believe. You just know.

A Practial Lesson in Non-Attachment

So what exactly are we trying to accomplish here by mastering the mind? I think a very practical real world example of what I outlined in my previous post is in order.

I was almost hit by a truck walking home today. It was rainy and as I made it halfway across the street a SUV pulled out of a driveway and into the road. I expected this but either this person didn't see me or didn't care because as he was about to drive past me he decided to make a sharp left turn instead of going straight.

As I was in the middle of the intersection, he quickly swerved left to turn and cut me off. All of the sudden the side of his truck was six inches from my chest. To stop my momentum from running into the vehicle I put my hand on his side window and pushed off from it.

That was a close call.

That's an uncontrollable near death experience. So I can feel my body start to react, the adrenaline starts pumping, my breath becomes short, the survival fight or flight instinct begins to kick in.

And then the mind starts engaging its defensive responses. I experience the thought, "What an idiot!" He slows down his truck so I think "Maybe I should go over there and tell him off." And then another thought "What if he comes over and attacks me?" Maybe I should just keep moving and hope he just lets me go.

I experience both the fight and flight response very quickly.

But I'm aware and I keep my mind at rest and clear. Instead of engaging the mind with these responses, I consciously keep the mind at rest. I tune into my body. I allow the sensations to be there. I tune into the natural way animals release tension. I allow it to be there and let my body act as a clearing house processing and moving out the experience naturally, in real time.

Amazingly soon, my body has exited the experience. My mind remains clear and the defensive thoughts in my mind have subsided because my body is no longer feeling physically threatened.

I'm carrying very little of the dangerous experience that just occurred within me. Mostly only the new wisdom that I need to watch for quick left turners the next time I cross the street.

And I'm still in the moment. "It sure is raining." I think.

This is a real world example of not attaching to a negative experience. And as you can also see this is also very different from 'detachment' where the mind removes itself from the experience as a way of better dealing with it.

I remain free. Having not allowed my mind to attach to the experience, I don't carry it with me as I continue walking. And you can bet I would have been ruminating about this afterwards if I hadn't done that.

Love,
Heron Free

Mastery of Mind

To become free from the mind we must deconstruct it, develop our own intimate knowledge of how our mind responds to the world. What's really going on in that 'ticker' of ours?

Once we understand something it becomes much more manageable and we are less afraid it. We can still be scared (definitely) but it becomes a more workable fear. And with a workable fear we are given the opportunity to experience something new.

I've broken down the way we respond to the world into 6 categories:

1. Reacting: (Most primitive, animalistic survival reactions designed to prevent you from bodily harm and foster survival of the species)

2. Defending: (Protecting the human mind itself, your self -image, who you are, your belief systems and sub personalities)

3. Thinking: The ability of the mind to calmly process personal experiences, to construct (and deconstruct) personal beliefs.

4. Observing: The ability to separate yourself from an experience, not react, (increases insight and personal knowledge).

5. Expressing: The ability to release and share the true self, through talking, creating, dancing, loving, kissing, and jumping up and down (I'm a fan of the last two).

6. Experiencing: The ability to rest in the present moment and just feel what is going on around and within you. Reconnecting with oneness is possible here, when we don't feel separate from the whole.

In the beginning because of lack of practice, telling the difference between all of our different responses may seem next to impossible. We might think for example, "This is what I do" or "This is how I respond." Fortunately as we work on our own stuff we begin so see the differences. And then the possibility of true freedom appears.

So now we have some nice labels. This is a good start for beginning to sort out what to do with all the clutter we have accumulated in our heads over the years or our past lives (if you believe in that sort of thing).

The first step is to just become aware of them in your daily lives. You'll find the first 3 responses are the most prevalent. Which is good to notice. Don't get too discouraged about that. Almost everyone else is in the same boat.

The first step is to see this boat :)

Love,
Heron Free